What Worked…You Ask???

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Many of you have asked me what worked after all of the failed IVF/FET attempts. It was a combination of things.

1. We went BALLS TO THE WALL! All other attempts we only transferred 2 or 3 embryos but this cycle we did four which I had to fight the fertility clinic to do but BOY…was it worth it!

2. I feel the embryos were different. Take a look at the picture I attached of the winning embryos! Do you see the one at the top looks completely hatched and the one directly below it looks like it was hatching? My embryos have NEVER looked like that. They were always completely closed. And this is with no assisted hatching…they did that all on their own. I believe those two embryos were the ones that created these two beautiful babies in my belly!

3. Intralipid therapy – talk to your doctors about this one. A lot of doctors in the UK use this to help people get pregnant but it is still experimental in the US. It is a IV infusion of fatty acids…that’s it. My doc had me go get this done a few weeks before my frozen embryo transfer and I said “what the heck…it can’t hurt and I’ve tried everything else.” You have to get the IV done in the office and I had to pay $55.00 for intralipid prescription because insurance would not cover it since it is experimental. Once I became pregnant, I continued the intralipid therapy every 3 weeks and my last therapy will be next week at 20 weeks! A big shout out to Voula, one of the nurses at my fertility clinic who is THE BEST at doing IV’s. I won’t let anyone else do it!

4. Acupuncture! I hate needles and I said I would NEVER do acupuncture because it was ridiculously expensive and I had to expose myself to enough needles with this whole IVF/FET process. So many women swear by this and I read so many blogs about acupuncture helping with infertility. A good friend of mine recommended an acupuncturist that was super gentle with me (knowing that I scream to holy hell when those needles come my way). I started with the treatments 6 weeks before I did the FET that worked and mid way through, she had to move!!! Fortunately, I found out that my wife’s cousin is an acupuncturist and I started seeing her with the family discount!!! Yeah boy!!! She was great too and I thank God for her and her sister (who coincidentally is an RN and did my progesterone shots every day because my wife was too queasy to do it)! All of this plus my flexible spending program at worked reimbursed me for the cost of my sessions. It really didn’t get any better than this!

5. Visualization & Manifestation – this is hysterical coming from me because I am SO NOT what I call the “crunchy type” that believes in this stuff. I have a good friend who always talks to me about manifestation and how it works for her. Shout out to MJ! I decided to try it but I wasn’t all that good at it. When I started seeing my cousin-in-law for acupuncture, she helped me even more with it. Before my transfer, she told me to visualize myself in a garden. I would plant the seeds and cover them with soil and water the garden…care for the garden. Sounds crazy but I played this over and over in my mind during each acupuncture session and every night before I went to bed. After my transfer, she told me to visualize the seed that I planted starting to grow and to continue to care for the garden and water it and feed it. I continued to picture this with every acupuncture session and every night. Sounds crazy to some people (including me previously) but I truly feel that this helped my body prepare for becoming pregnant!

6. YOGA – I’ve done yoga before but another good friend of mine recommended an amazing Yoga studio which coincidentally was the same studio that my first acupuncturist had a treatment room in. Shout out to Yoga Haven in Tuckahoe, NY! I warn you…this studio is like the MOST expensive studio in my area but I tell you it was worth it. When I went to my first class, I LOVED the instructor. She didn’t just take you through the motions, she actually explained what they meant and why it was so meaningful to the body. I happened to start at a time when they were going through the different chakras. Each class would concentrate on a different chakra and since I made it to the first chakra class, I continued. I tell you I don’t make this stuff up but the 2nd chakra (the Sacral Chakra – Svadhisthana) has been used to care for your uterus and helps with fertility. That is ALL the instructor had to say…I was obsessed. I took two 2nd chakra classes; I started doing my own research about the 2nd chakra and I watched youtube videos at home and did the poses that were developed for the 2nd chakra. I drank the Kool Aid people and it tasted SO GOOD!!!

I really believe that I had a different mind set going into this FET cycle. I had to do things differently and I had to try things that I thought I would never do or that I never believed in. Part of it was out of desperation but another part of it was just putting hope into trying something different and STAYING POSITIVE, which is the hardest thing for me. Prayer helped too but I’ve always done that!!!

I hope some of you ladies out there struggling with infertility try some of these things and that it helps you too!

Love you for reading and thank you!!!

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IT’S OFFICIAL! I’m back and I’m PREGNANT!!!

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Well it’s official…I am finally pregnant!!! It has been a LONG five years of fertility procedures, injections, emotional highs & lows and just plain giving up but God has finally blessed me and my wife. The better news is that we are having two! That’s right…TWINS!!! Something we never expected but we are so overjoyed.

I took a huge break from Facebook and the blogging world because every time I would see someone’s pregnancy announcement, it would put me in such a dark place. All I could do was lay in the bed and cry. I cut off friends that were pregnant because I just couldn’t deal. I was embarrassed about my reaction to their good news and I didn’t want to “bring down their high” so I just found it easier to cut them off. Probably not the best way to deal with things but I had to take care of myself at that time. I can now say that I was steps away from needing to be institutionalized and the only way I could cope, go to work, get through more fertility treatments and continue a relationship with my wife was to totally take myself away from anything that had to do with pregnancy.

I want to apologize to all of my friends and family that I shut out during that period. Looking back, I realize it was a bit selfish how I handled things but I hope those people can put themselves in my shoes. I’ve never in my life been accused of being selfish. I’m not trying to make excuses but anyone who knows me knows that I spent a great deal of my life taking care of others. My grandparents raised me and as a young child, I had to look out for them because they were much older and couldn’t do a lot of things. I pretty much raised my brother for the first 8-9 years of his life because my grandparents just couldn’t do it anymore. I gave up going away to college because I had to be there for them and I spend most of my 20’s caring for them before they died. I always had to put them first and for the first time of in my life, I had to put ME first. That was the only way I was going to survive. Some of the people I shut out understood what I needed to do for me but some didn’t and I totally understand that too. I just hope they come around at some point because it was never that I wasn’t happy for them, it was just that seeing them or hearing about their pregnancies made me think that it was never going to happen for me and that tore me apart inside.

My best friend telling me she was pregnant changed everything for me. Even though, I didn’t have the greatest reaction to that news initially, I knew I had to turn this around. I had to be there for her. To this day, I still feel horrible that I wasn’t the overjoyed and supportive friend I should have been to her from the very beginning of her pregnancy. Because of that, I will do everything in my power to make that up to her. I know she understood my pain and I thank her for that! After she told me, every night before I went to bed, I prayed to God to get me out of this funk. I started to talk about my feelings in therapy and began acupuncture and yoga. Secretly, I started looking at Facebook again and trying to reach out to some other pregnant friends to get those friendships back. Anything to expose me to a little pregnancy stuff so I can get used to it and be ok with it not being me. Just when I started doing that, BAM, I got pregnant. I’m not the most religious person but I truly feel this was God’s plan. During that depressed time, I wasn’t ready to be pregnant. Now my bestie and I are both pregnant together and due just a few weeks apart. Our birthdays are only a few days apart so I think it was meant to be! You don’t get many friends in your life that are what I call “ride or die” so I am so thankful to have her and she will be the god mother to my children!

When I found out I was pregnant, I just cried and thanked God and when we did our first ultrasound and saw there were two babies, my wife cried which was so lovely. She has wanted to have a family just as much I have so it’s so wonderful to see how elated she is. Given the issues we had with our last pregnancy, we waited past the first 3 months to tell people except for close family and friends. We wanted as many ultrasounds and as many “you’re good to go’s” as we could get from my regular OB and high risk OB. I am now at 17 weeks and since our last appointment went so well (and there is no hiding my growing twin belly now), we figured it was time to let the world know.

We are treading lightly and trying not to get too excited because we know too well that nothing is guaranteed and anything can happen. I just can’t stop smiling though and even though I can’t feel them yet, I rub my belly just to make sure they are still there. My goal is to now find a church that accepts me and my family because I want to praise God for always being there even when I thought he forgot about me. I need to raise my children in the church like I was, and give them a good foundation of faith.

My due date is November 21, 2015 but the doctor said we will most likely do a scheduled C-Section in late October. I personally hope I can choose the date of November 9th. That was my grandfather’s birthday and coincidentally the date that Nicole and I lost our son about 3 years ago. It would be nice to turn that day around in my mind and honor my grandpa! But any day will do…I just want to hold my babies and tell them how much their mommies love them.

Thank you all for reading and I am so happy to be back. I know I have a lot of new followers and I have started to follow many more blogs so I’m excited to catch up on the lives of other lesbians trying to make babies!!!